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[Sunday
October 28th, 2007
10:42pm] |
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I haven't posted anything in a long long time.
tomorrow is the 6 month mark.
except, i kind of feel like the closer we get to it, the more he wants out. Though he doesn't say it, i've just got that gut feeling right now that i'm about to lose something that i love the most in this world.
Sometimes you just know, sometimes your wrong though, & god do i hope i'm wrong..but i dont think so.
I'm scared, and i dont know what to do.
& if love is really forever, i'm a winner at a losing game.
Guess this is just when I wait...
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[Sunday
August 12th, 2007
12:21am] |
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life doesn't make sense sometimes.
i'll be over it in a week or 2.
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[Monday
June 18th, 2007
5:32pm] |
so. I graduated.
my birthday was saturday, i'm 18 now.
there was only one person I didn't get a call or anything from on my birthday, and that was basically the only person i really wanted to call. but its cool, i'll live.
now i'm going to school for radiation therapy.
I'm ready to start my life.
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[Saturday
May 19th, 2007
1:41am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Everything you want-vertical horizon |
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I went to alex's show tonight at tremont. I had a lot of fun, suprisingly enough. It was probably one of the best nights I've had in a while.
What the hell am I doing with my life. I sure as hell wish I knew.
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[Thursday
May 10th, 2007
10:26pm] |
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I Miss the days when my life made sense.
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[Thursday
March 29th, 2007
10:29pm] |
you know what really pisses me off.
when my friends do things that hurt me.
yeah, pretty bad.
you know what else pisses me off?
when other people do things that they once did intentionally for me..and basically replicated them for another person.
that pisses me off, but not as much as it hurts me.
but hey...my turn right?
yeah. whatever.
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[Tuesday
March 13th, 2007
9:55pm] |
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This is my prom dress.
it is INCREDIBLE.
It laces up in the back, and i love it SO freakin much.
=]
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[Monday
March 5th, 2007
10:35pm] |
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They say time heals everything...
I've done a lot of thinking lately.
About all kinds of stuff.
Its really surprising how much life can change over a year.
& How many people can enter and leave your life.
It all happens so fast..
Senior year is flying by.
I can't believe it..
Next is going to school for radiation therapy.
I'm ready for it...I'm just not so ready for my senior year to end.
I guess I'm just not as happy as I should be right now.
It's really a shame.
But I'm still waiting..
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[Friday
February 2nd, 2007
10:43pm] |
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I basically slept all day long and im still tired. wtf.
I've been pretty sick lately, mom says that I have "Flu-like symptoms" she took me to the emergency room last night, we were there for 5 hours. They took a whole bunch of blood from me and I almost passed out, then my whole body starting shaking on the bed and it wouldnt stop and my mom got scared and my little sister starting crying. They stuck an IV in my arm and it hurt like hell. It was a really scary experience for me, im okay..but I have to follow up with my doctor tomorrow sometime. I hate hospitals. I hate needles. i hate blood.
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[Tuesday
January 9th, 2007
11:38pm] |
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I'm not the same person anymore.
my life is bi-polar.
I have amazing things going for me. I have a boyfriend who makes me feel like im on top of the world.
I have one best friend who has been attached to me since the day I moved here.
I have a good job that I love with people that I have learned to love.
I also have two friends (minus the best) that have exited my life almost completely.
I have one friend that chose to make a move that hurt me more than anything that I now want nothing to do with.
2006 is over and im leaving the WHOLE YEAR in the past. I'm ready for the future. I graduate in less than 5 months and I'm ready to start college, start studying what I love, and start my life. But I almost dread the moment I walk across that stage because I know, if things dont change soon, people who have stood next to me since middle school will be out of my life forever.. and I dont know how to change it, because almost nothing will be good enough.
High school drama is BS and not worth it.
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[Sunday
November 26th, 2006
1:36am] |
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I talked to amanda for a few hours tonight, I miss her a lot.
I love her so much and I'm glad that we can sit and talk for hours about anything and everything and its like nothing has changed.
I told her about everything that I'm going through right now, and out of everyone she's the one person that understood the most, which is crazy to me cause she gave me advice as if she has been right next to me through it all. It was good advice and made a lot of sense.
I saw chandler the other night too.
He's incredible. I miss him.
The Greatest Irony of Love...
Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life... And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again... For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person... in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else... Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one person was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little... As we all know the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left.. maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right... Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them we are just for passing time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger... So here's a piece of advice: Let go when you're hurting too much. Give up when love isn't enough. And move on when things are not like before... It's certain... there is someone out there who will love you even more..
So true. So unbelievably true.
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[Friday
November 24th, 2006
2:48pm] |
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It's incredible what kind of turns life can take you on.
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[Tuesday
October 17th, 2006
9:29pm] |
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Haven't updated in a long time.
I haven't really had the time, I'm either sleeping, or at work or school. Thats basically my life.
things are...different.
I have made a lot of weird decisions about things, and i'm not really sure how im even sticking to them.
Sunday was a year.
Lately i have been getting into weird depressed moods all the sudden and I just cry out of no where.
Well, I mean I guess I do have reasons for it, I just think that they should be over by now, but they aren't.
One day I guess time will fix everything, as for now, all I can do is wait it out.
I'll never forget it.
you know that.
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[Wednesday
August 23rd, 2006
1:06am] |
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wow, this week has been....indescribable.
Kel called me monday morning and told me that anthony was killed in a wreck and it took a minute to register in my mind, and then I just sat up and started crying.
I can't believe he's really gone...and theres nothing anyone can do to fix it.
He was incredible, I saw him friday night after the football game and he grabbed me and hugged me tight when I walked in and said "So megan, when are we getting married?" and i just laughed at him and told him he was crazy and that I missed him.
He was incredible, absolutely incredible. That boy had a way with making everyone smile...
Rest in Peace Anthony White.
Shecora, Corinne and I went to harris teeter and I bought yellow roses and put them on top of the rock at school, and where the accident was....
then I had to go to work. I was basically quiet the whole night..nobody really asked questions, the only people I talked to the whole night was Naomi, Kevin, and Arianna.
Tonight Nicole and I were harrassed by some old drunk men and our manager had to come stand with us until they left. It was obnoxious, why are people so stupid.
Saturday I'm going to Anthonys visitation, and then right after that I have to change and go to alex's parents anniversary party/wedding (renewal of their vows) Two VERY different events..but we'll see.
I love you alex castaneda, you're truely amazing.
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[Thursday
August 17th, 2006
9:59pm] |
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Today was pretty much like the longest day of my life.
Stuco was really busy, but I had fun.
I'm ready for my senior year. '07 Hell yeah!!
So basically these past few days have been up and down at moments, but despite EVERYTHING that's happened this summer, The love of my life has found his way back into my arms again, and I couldn't be happier.
I work too much.
I like the money though. =]
I have to get up early tomorrow morning so alex can pick me up and we can go shopping for his parents anniversary party.
I'm pretty excited to see him..and it's only been one day.
I love kelly wyns. she completes me. =]
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[Thursday
August 10th, 2006
1:23am] |
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I really like my job.
I dont work again till friday.
Warped was fun, hot as hell, but fun.
things are finally starting to turn around.
which makes me pretty happy. =]
I can't wait till tomorrow...well, later today since its 130 in the morning.
k, bedtime.
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[Tuesday
August 1st, 2006
1:00pm] |
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crappy |
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music |
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Just like Heaven |
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So. Today is my first day of work. I'm not sure yet if I'm nervous or not. I think I'm more nervous about the host test I have to take when I get there. Oh well.
Summer is flying by. It's been a pretty weird summer, probably not the best one of my life. But I guess I'm almost ready for it to be over. These past few days have turned out to be some pretty shitty days and I don't even know why. Ever since like thursday I've just felt like shit all the time. I need a vacation.
I miss Kelly. I'm ready for her to come home now.
I feel like I'm losing someone pretty important to me too. Lately it has just felt like they have been trying to drift away from me or something. Like avoiding me on purpose, or saying/doing things to be mad at me and create an argument with me. It kind of feels like whenever I talk to them, its almost like they don't even really want to talk to me anymore and the conversation just doesn't really interest them that much. I don't know what I did. but I hate it really bad, I don't know why this summer is turning out to be so shitty.
I guess I ask for too much. I wish I could be as happy as I used to, but I can't seem to bring myself back to it.
It's gonna be a long night.
They say Time heals everything, But I'm still waiting.
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[Monday
July 17th, 2006
11:00pm] |
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My aunts tumor shrunk. =]
It went from a 25 to a 14 and thats about the best news I have heard in months.
Its funny though...how a year ago in march..the doctor diagnosed her with brain cancer and told her she had less than 3 months to live.
How could you take that? What do you do when someone tells you how much of your life you have left...and that at any moment between now and then..it could be your last day without any notice. =[
I'm so thankful that she's made it this long..she's a strong beautiful woman with beautiful children and she's truely blessed. Our whole family is blessed that she's getting better.
My mom told me about a song she mentioned to her..the lyrics are really strong. So I decided to post them to keep. Read if you would like.
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[Saturday
July 15th, 2006
12:11am] |
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excuse my little breakdown in that last entry.
Pissed off people say pissed off things.
Alex and I talked. We ended on the note that the only way our feelings for eachother would ever disappear was by us not talking or hanging out...
That also lasted for one day.
I was a wreck the whole day, I cried the whole freakin day and just moped around the house. It sucked.
I'm guessing alex felt the same way cause last night we talked and decided that not talking isnt the right way to handle it.
Throwing away a friendship, too is pretty shitty.
So forget that. We're just gonna have to try and make this work together. I want to. So I'm gonna put forth all the effort needed to make this work. Obviously the boy means the world to me, despite everything we have been through. Or all the pain we have felt, it's a part of life to go through those things. The fact that we can still make it through them is incredible. He's a wonderful person and I'm thankful that I was able to be with him for such a long time.
I regret saying such horrible things about him, but like I said before. Pissed off people, say pissed off things. I really didn't mean half of those things. Even though thats not really an excuse...
its 12:25. Today would have been our 9 month anniversary. I still miss it sometimes. At least I can hold on to the fact that he didn't mean what he said about not ever being in love with me, and I know that he really was...and that it really was real. It's a comforting thought.
Anyway. I was lucky enough to have one amazing best friend to walk next to me through all of this, and support me in every decision I made. To be there for me at 2 a.m when I called her in tears. She's the one person that single-handedly made me feel better, and made me smile again. She's amazing and i love her to death. I couldn't ask for a better best friend.
I suppose things are looking up again. =]
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[Tuesday
July 11th, 2006
12:33am] |
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I love life.
I love my best friend.
I love my friends.
I love my family.
I love my baby sister.
I love my mom.
I love my (ex) boyfriend.
I love my almost like family friends.
I love everything about my life right now.
I've been pretty down for the past 2 months, and for the past 2 or 3 weeks everything has been wonderful.
=]
I'm happier than I've been in a while, and I have the greatest people in the world to thank for it.
I've decided to make quite a move. I hope it's the right one, but I guess we'll find out in a few days.
I feel prettttty good about it, so I'm pretty confident.
=]]]]
k.
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